Brain Blips #2

Happy Mother’s day!

Today got me thinking about an event from my past that wasn’t so pleasant—My high school was selling carnations for anyone who wanted to give their mother a present so I decided to get one from my mother [as I had never done so before]

Upon purchasing it I went into the Cafeteria and sat waiting for the busses to be called, and neglected to place it into my book bag—upon seeing me with this flower some dude with an un-kept Afro decided to mess with me while his friends goaded him on

[Ed note: I am black so I’m not pointing out the hair to be mean, his hair basically was what natural hair looks like after you take out cornrows and up to that point I had only known one other person with that do and he didn’t go to my highschool]

now then I had gotten this flower for my mother, but as a 16 year old I was emotionally prone to fits of depression, or emotional deadness—and I did not take the taunting well enough to say this.

mothers day grumpy

Basically I was a wreck by the time I got up and left [my bookbag decided to do that annoying thing where it falls behind the chair with the strap over the back also…that made it worse] and was in tears by the time I got to the psychologists office door

the highlight was some dumb girl asking me for a pencil like she had a bigger problem…than the girl crying in front of her—and the icing on the cake? the psycologist giving me the worst advice you could ever give anyone in an emotional state: “in reality most people don’t care…”

I did manage to get the flower to my mother but by then I was emotionally dead inside, I smiled anyway, then went up to my room and sat in the dark for several hours 8[

 

mothers day grumpy 2

looking back on it there were several events like this in my life [although spaced quite far…] that left me feeling rotten, alone, and socially stunted—the only upside to this is that I choose not to let it define me.

no I’m not telling people to suck up their feelings and anxieties—Just that sometimes eating your lemons raw makes it easier to appreciate the taste of food instead of burying it in sauce because you’re afraid of unpleasantness XD

cheers!

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